| This is the complaint recently filed in that suit. Beware! If you think that Halloween is all fun and games, you might find yourself named a defendant. IN THE COURT OF ETERNAL JUSTICE
ANYWHERE YOU MAY FIND IT
The Witch and others similarly situated,
Plaintiff Case Number 12-CH-2001
Versus
Pole Placers and others who thought it was funny to see a witch squished,
Defendants
PUBLIC NOTICE OF COMPLAINT
Public notice is hereby given to herein “defendants”, various placers of poles and/or other objects in or about various cities, villages, and towns in and about the State of Illinois, that on or about All Hallow’s Eve, one witch (Herein “plaintiff,”) dressed in black garb and riding a highly charged broom of reasonable and customary design for a witch of her height, weight and economic status did fly, smash or crash into, (i.e. strike with great force,) a certain utility pole and/or other objects of unusual resistance, and rigidity, where upon said plaintiff’s broom ran through the pole and/or other objects but the plaintiff was stopped (so to speak) dead in her tracks such that her nose was bent, her face creased and her manner disposed with such force, might and power that said plaintiff there upon became quite grouchy, cranky and upset, thereby incurring hundreds, if not thousands of pennies, worth of medical expenses and broom repairs, such that said witch was greatly inconvenienced, if not to say aggravated, where upon she has chosen to sue out this writ against you for damages in the amount of the eye of a newt and the tail of a rat (which when inflation is factored, amounts to several million dollars American money) all henceforth and hereafter because of your negligence in placing said utility pole and/or other objects in the flyway of the said plaintiff and others similarly situated. Now unless you heretofore fess up and pay the piper, such is the silliness as shall befall the eldest of your cats that you shall wish that you had not placed said pole so carelessly, and worse yet, thought it was so funny. (Houses misplaced are not liked either.) The infinite jest of which is that you may think that it is funny that witches crash into houses, utility poles, and/or other objects, but witches who are portrayed flat as pancakes with brooms sticking out the opposite side of the pole and/or other object do NOT!
Citing unto you and saying the maxim of law that if the coffee in the drive through lanes is too hot in your lap, then your pole and/or other object were likewise improperly placed. Quid pro quo to you, too!
Dated Halloween, the last several years.
The Much Maligned and Abused Witch |
